celebrating the disaster

now that I am out of bed/scotch & cigarette'd
at one thirty/the disaster is standard
the pain a normal ace in a short low straight
how can I talk/of the steely sordid
hallucinations/the odd lusts
metered treasures of the mind's eye
scattered pornographic slapshots
of lolitas twisted into painful pretzels
so that I am damn close to going too far.

I slurp the urine in this cartoon
I suck the coffin nail in this wintered wood
the robe is garnish at my feast of self
I understand all this is only power and refuge
and I am frightened because it doesn't help
to understand but I won't burn this lifetime
up in lust ~ I will celebrate it.

Version of a piece from 1980. I admit I have cleaned it up quite a bit. In those days I smoked Benson and Hedges menthol cigarettes incessantly, and drank quantities of scotch whiskey. A drink Hanrahan shared with me, and Sandra Riseman too. These words come after the fiasco in 1979.