tv movie

the next one dies
i told the puppet kingdom
the docks hide spies
from us kamikaze orphans
no girl hurts me or leaves me
again this wasn't
a solitary sin i had help
i sent postcards
telegrams
radio messages
on short range transmitters
there runs 36 seconds
of her in that leather coat
headed towards high school
i searched her room
secret messages she held
she even kept them from me
i worshipped at her toe shoes
prick in hand
making excuses
all these women
advise surrender
but hate you for it
that's the truth
microfilm my losses
for a cheap moment
in this tv movie
we once shared

I really did sneak over to the house next door after this affair blew up. I know I am not alone in this kind of behaviour, but looking back on it nearly thirty years and it seems creepy and truly sad. Yes, I read her poetry in her room, picked up her toe shoes and held them to me in that bitterness you inhabit when it ends suddenly against your desire and need. There is real truth to that business at the end about women advising surrender. It is the only way out, mainly, but secretly most women would like to see your passionate stand in favor of true love. As long as it isn't them you are loving. Silly stuff. I like the business at the end about being in a tv movie. So very true. An after school special, no doubt.