Damask of Patience

"There's just some things
I could never understand.
Some of the sick things
that a girl does to a man."

—Mick Jagger, 1966

Astride the beast
Casting cards again
Why must everything imply solution?
The hours pass in the damask of patience
Creating liaisons with stars.
The Queen of Swords, bluejeaned,
Her eyes painted with pessimism,
Her values recovered in time,
Her soul beset with cancer,
She'll have said (something)
You'll have known only too much.
No explanations granted.
No lucky twist of the great wheel.
The Charioteer is just,
Given the hands of blood, the Beast
Is catalyst of this fate.
The shower of many conceptions is
The key turning in locks, blindly but
Purposefully. The World is paradox,
The Shaman is sham.
Science is the child of faith.
Air currents circulate through electrical wire.
Someone starts to explain.


From one of several periods in my life when the cards of the tarot seemed to offer explanation and meaning. Similar in nature to all divinatory systems. Enough symbolic detail that there seems to be some answer or explanation lurking in the pictures. One of the true things I know about using Tarot cards, or the I Ching, is that the subconscious manipulates the imagery and often in ways that are essentially deceitful. This goes along with my idea that the hardest untruths to discover are the ones the self has convinced itself of in the name, usually, of ego. Witness right wing bloggery, and romantic self-appraisal. So this piece is a response to feeling manipulated in a romantic relationship and having had the experience of the tarot encouraging me to stay in the relationship. Undoubtedly the tarot, as interpreted, told me everything would be great after a certain amount of strife. Of course, that was my subconscious desiring what it desired. This would be why I spent fifteen years honking around after the irish girl, through all sorts of scenes and stupid exchanges of poems and conversations. Not to mention a certain amount of intimate behaviours. What a waste, what a waste. My life has been a waste. No one will read these words, but if they do they will know what a fool I have been. It is only now, and only because I have come to the Lady, that I have anything approaching a successful relationship. Without Kimberly I would probably have moved on to a more serious level of self-doubt and dissolution. I would probably drink myself to sleep every night. But, I truly believe the Lady sent Kimberly to keep my head above water. And I am good for her, also. I bring an intelligence and a care to her life and to the life of our child. I guess this is where I will be blogging now.