Answers

What do I want
is it help or assassination?
certainly can't be answers
I've had them
they're like popcorn always
disappearing with the salt

I don't want no phenobarbs
clogging up my clogged up throat
no messy veins slit up a treat
with slick depressing words
in puddles on the floor

I don't want no false hopes
in my prophets no false bottoms
in these boxes I keep taping shut

I don't want no revolutionaries
cutting open my bowels
to prove their fucking truth

I will kill you
I will kill you
I will never write you, never phone
I will not answer the door
I will hide in the attic
I will not see you
I will kill you
and in that dying
I will destroy myself

Sort of a riff on Dorothy Parker's Resume poem. A dismissal of suicide, only to find it in an attempt to get shut of that blonde girl. Well, I was overly dramatic in those days. Probably smoked too many cigarettes. This piece is from 1977, during the period when I removed myself from Alison in an attempt to diminish her importance in my life. I wish I had been stronger and had stayed away from her. It colored far too much of the next decade of my life. Becky Bradway was hard on me, too, but she didn't have talent for the knife that Alison had.