making us live

the hidden poem of my pale death:
so catholic in its rationality
that body in the snow you never saw
me rend this flesh
w/scissors, razors
—unable to demythologize you
though I dearly wished to
arrest you & take you out of
purgatory to a very brief
hell

and your prediction:
fear is the beast
we all are
desire is the enemy that
makes us live

An early concept of mine was that the two motivating forces of human emotional life are simply fear and desire. I have spent a great of my life attempting to live in desire, but suspecting that fear is often the more potent force. Gary Davidson told me so many years ago that this was my real problem: I was afraid. Afraid of finding out whether I was a good writer, or had anything to say. He has always been a good friend. I wish I had lived in my desires. They were always holy.