the pump shudders

listened to the tape last night
heard your voice
prayed for a dying or a return
the usual farce from inside
drank of the stars but fell
back on the bed flesh in my hand
concentric rings of light
each curved into a scene of you
like vertigo the pump shudders
your low laughter breaks the current
into sparks the semen
spraying a diamond into lace
and then I was on an asteroid
no sense of movement
the vacuum would not carry
the sound of your words
this rock tumbled through the positions
no ribbons no toe shoes no form
no you


Coming from the time in the end of the 70s when I became involved in an affair with someone I shouldn't have and the forced and abrupt separation from this person. Lost love is a powerful form of grief; the image of being on an asteroid with neither air nor movement accurately describes my existence in 1980-81. The person spoken of here was a serious student of the ballet. This is one of a number of pieces with a masturbation subtext. The pump shudders.