notes on dirac & time/1

you're living
thru a terrible time
still in analysis
self critical and paused
on the brink of a dramatic
disaster/you're listening
to yr lou reed albums
living in pain
without substance
you got
no watch on yr walls
yr time isn't terrible just empty
you never move
all yr concepts suck at the void
and you're breathless
you complain, "but this isn't real"
and it isn't
but you don't really care

it's grey in spring and there
are limbs in disarray on my bed
and I wish you'd go home

if you don't I'll
leave my house & burn it
down/manuscripts and all


Another poem about Alison Gaughan. The Lou Reed album mentioned is certainly Berlin. The idea behind the "yr" has to do with disentangling the self from the vowels in an effort to close the emotional distance. Alison really needed to get out of that marriage, but her family exerted an enormous pressure on her. I always assumed that is why her husband took a job thousands of miles away (in Stockton, California), but how could he have known that it was exactly what would create a way for her to leave him. Which she did, long after I was out of the picture. Poor bastard. Me too, really. But I like the way this piece moves. She always did go home, but never soon enough.